#Alcohol

"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy."

"Drunken men give some of the best pep talks."

"My mind may be sober, but my confidence is high!"

"Love burns. Whiskey burns. George Burns. What do all three have in common? They’re all dead to me."

"I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels."

"I'm sober. Yessiree, I quit drinking. I haven't had a beer in four hours. Now I just need some coffee and to get drunk on love poetry."

"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."

"[I]t is the wine that leads me on,the wild winethat sets the wisest man to singat the top of his lungs,laugh like a fool – it drives theman to dancing... it eventempts him to blurt out storiesbetter never told."

"I drank so much booze I was bamboozled. Alcohol makes my mind as discombobulated as love makes my heart. I’d sure appreciate it if you poured me a large glass of romance."

"She likes her wine white, and that’s how I like my clam chowder. So chuggable!"

"There was a tacit understanding between them that 'liquor helped'; growing more miserable with every glass one hoped for the moment of relief."

"To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems"

"I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink."

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"Snow is not microwave friendly. In fact, snow is not too friendly at all, unless you first buy it a few beers. Then it’s just downright slutty."

"They call alcohol spirits, because it’s the spirit turned liquid. Would you drink my soul if you knew I’d use it to get inside of you? After all, most men buy women alcohol so they can get inside them too."