"Water is translucent, but not invisible. But a glass half full is half translucent, half invisible, and you cannot drink what you cannot see, which may be why I am so thirsty for her love."
"What reading level is the word love? It’s a four-letter word everybody knows the meaning of, but nobody can define it."
"She’s twelve hours in the future, and exactly half a world away. No matter how hard I try, I will always be a part of her past."
"I have a doctorate degree from the School of Hard Knocks. I studied door-to-door salesmanship. This was before the doorbell was invented."
"I just invented a device that eliminates vice. It looks like a bottle of booze, only it’s empty, because I just drank it."
"I have two ears, so why can’t I listen to two things at once? A politician only has one mouth, yet doublespeaks all the time."