More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."
"The thirstiest bird is surely the swallow. My love is so fluid I’ll bet drinking it would give you the gift of flight."
"The word long is short, and so is the word short, but why is the word love as long as long? Shouldn’t it be longer?"
"If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I'd say, "Now."But you'd also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast."
"If I were hairy, would you vacuum my chest before we made love? I’d probably have enough chip crumbs in it to feed the homeless, because I’m a charitable kind of guy."