"When I win, it’s because I’m skilled. When I lose, it’s because my opponent is lucky. But when I fall in love, it’s because I’m lucky and she’s skilled."
"Better than learning how to speak a foreign language, is to start speaking the truth. But few people will listen, because they just don’t understand."
"I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two."
"If you find yourself thirsting for my love, don’t forget that I sell straws in a variety of flavors. What is the price of romance? Good question. Today only it’s on sale for half-off wholesale prices. Everything must go. My entire inventory of straws is being liquidated."
"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."
"A kangaroo would jump better if instead of legs, it had a trampoline under its torso. And there would be no depression, because it would bounce right back."