When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back. - Bill Watterson

"To invent your own life's meaning is not easy, but it's still allowed, and I think you'll be happier for the trouble."

"CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment."

"Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."