Bill Watterson

"Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?"

"Reality continues to ruin my life."

"I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness."

"It's not denial. I'm just selective about the reality I accept."

"You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help."

"Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, ...and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too mature to gloat."

"You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!"

"That's the whole problem with science. You've got a bunch of empiricists trying to describe things of unimaginable wonder."

"Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless."

"CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God."

"I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts."

"CALVIN:This whole Santa Claus thing just doesn't make sense. Why all the secrecy? Why all the mystery?If the guy exists why doesn't he ever show himself and prove it?And if he doesn't exist what's the meaning of all this?HOBBES:I dunno. Isn't this a religious holiday? CALVIN:Yeah, but actually, I've got the same questions about God."

"Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!"

"HOBBES:If you don't get a goodnight kiss you get Kafka dreams."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"HOBBES:Virtue needs some cheaper thrills."

"Hobbes: Do you think there's a God?Calvin: Well, somebody's out to get me!"

"CALVIN:When I grow up I want to be an inventor. First I will invent a time machine. Then I'll come back to yesterday and take myself to tomorrow and skip this dumb assignment."

"When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back."

"Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!"