#naughty

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."

"The naked truth is anything but naked. But it will be soon enough, if I keep giving it alcohol."

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"

"Dawn is meant for Lovers. And so is dusk and anytime in between. Count me in. And out. In, out, in, out, and I just came, I saw, I conked out.-Amanda Mosher and Jarod Kintz"

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"I’m feeling morass, when I should be feeling more ass. I can put my sadness behind me with what’s behind you."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."

"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."