#naughty

"Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."

"If I had no clothes it’d be winter. If I were naked, it’d be the truth and we could lie together."

"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."

"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks."

"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."

"Instead of reciting her an original love poem using words, I think I’ll use my tongue to more creatively explore the deepest parts of her."

"I’m feeling morass, when I should be feeling more ass. I can put my sadness behind me with what’s behind you."

"William Hurt has a painful last name. Kevin Love has a name perfect for February 14th. But what about Johnny Longdong? Where does he fit?"

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"Dawn is meant for Lovers. And so is dusk and anytime in between. Count me in. And out. In, out, in, out, and I just came, I saw, I conked out.-Amanda Mosher and Jarod Kintz"