#naughty

"I make naked, and I make it by hand. I also make it using the rest of my body. Coming soon to a Walmart near you."

"Necessity may be the mother of invention, but who is the father? Don’t look at me! I wore a condom."

"Some people grow cotton, while I have a t-shirt farm. The rainy season is when I get the most visitors."

"When I hear your name, I involuntarily clench my butt cheeks. Is that love? I don’t know—I’m not Nicholas Sparks."

"Candle making is a half-ass business, because the product is only useful half the day, at night. Why not make candles that double as dildos, and make it a whole-ass business."

"I’m a book lover. I’ve probably already fucked a whole library."

"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."

"I rarely drink, but last night, after several hours and several beers at the bar, I found myself face to face with two huge boobs. They weren’t the breasts of a young woman, but those of an old man. Still, the taste of a nipple is genderless."

"If my remote control doubled as a dildo, I'd never get off my ass to change the channel."

"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."

"I want to be a naughty pirate, because when I put on that eye patch, it barely covers my genitals."

"If I had no clothes it’d be winter. If I were naked, it’d be the truth and we could lie together."

"Dawn is meant for Lovers. And so is dusk and anytime in between. Count me in. And out. In, out, in, out, and I just came, I saw, I conked out.-Amanda Mosher and Jarod Kintz"

"She had coffee-colored eyes, if java were blue-green, and we made love like nobody was watching, which is probably why the audience demanded a refund for our poor performance."

"good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere"

"If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised."

"Women should have nipples on their butts. From a design perspective, I think it would revolutionize the fashion industry."

"I never loved another person the way I loved myself."

"The only sea I saw Was the seesaw sea With you riding on it. Lie down, lie easy. Let me shipwreck in your thighs."

"I still remember her meandering Mississippi kiss. I sipped it like a riverboat captain in the desert. Ah, to be young and naughtily nautical."