Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union... - Mark Twain

"Some people get an education without going to college. The rest get it after they get out."

"The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's."

"Herodotus says, "Very few things happen at the right time, and the rest do not happen at all: the conscientious historian will correct these defects."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."