More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I wish the masses of people would all follow my advice, because I'd throw it off a cliff."
"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."
"With all the money my uncle embezzled over the years, it's no surprise he lives in a gated community. But what is amazing, however, is that he somehow managed to get his own cell."
"When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance."