More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I often fantasize about torturing some of the lazier letters of the alphabet, like C, U, and E, because together they only manage to accomplish as much as the solitary letter Q."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."