More quotes by Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me

"I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I'm 42."
"I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn't cheer so loud when I'm trying to sleep."
"I used to date the lead singer of The Cranberries, but she cheated on me. Turns out she had some turkey on the side."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."