#knowledge-teaching

"Children Learn to Love and Hate A child understands love by three months and hate by three years.How the child processes that understandingwill shape his character for the next seventy."

"A Voice from the Past A book is a voice from the past whispering into your ear.Sometime I get the urge to exhume the author's bodyand hit him in the head with a shovel."

"Soulmate [10w] When you meet your soulmate,God's walked into the room."

"No Planning for Death [10w] People put more planning into a weekend vacation than death."

"Lenny Bruce I'm going to be rich!I figured out how to get schlong-juice stains off of suede."

"New Age Advertising ATTEND OUR REINCARNATION RETREATGuaranteed to be a once in a lifetime experience.Sure it costs $5000, but lets face it,you only live once."

"Mended [10w] {Couplet} If the recently mended heart,breaks again, it shall not start."

"Read vs. Write If you want to know about life second hand, read;if you want to experience life directly, write."

"Ode to a Wastepaper Basket I love the way you sit in the corner,gracious like a lover,catching my every crumpled vanity."

"The Great Blue of the Great Blue A Great Blue whale mourns her hunted mate.Her heart, once the size of an SUV,lonely rides the empty sea,her heart's now withered to subcompact class,her whys and wherefores, run out of gas."

"Ferdinand VII of Spain {Couplet} He who can false loyalty feignshall sit twice upon the throne of Spain."

"God vs. Satan [10w] Why can't God and Satan get along?They're both detail-oriented."

"What is Hate? [10w] Hate is merely love hiding behind the mask of envy."

"Cookie Cutter Criticism A critic tried to fit my sense of humor in a cookie cutter,but it wouldn't fit his preconceived shape of what comedy should be.So he pressed harder, and harder and harder until the cookie cutter cut a cookie shaperight through the palm of his hand.It doesn't hurt anymore when the critic tries to slap me in the face.There's no more hot-air resistance."

"Revenge [10w] Revenge is a long game;all you need is time."

"New Age Hype Don't 'honor your feelings.'Half the time they're full of shit.Don't 'embrace' anything without a pulse.Mindfulness should include not listening to quacks."

"First Things First [10w] God created the possibility of absurditybefore he created man."

"❞ [10w] "Let's cuddle like a quotation mark filling a blank page."

"California [10w] No two snowflakes are alike,unless they're California yoga practitioners."

"God is Great [10w] God found me in a dumpster and made me holy."