Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

"With my last breath, I’ll exhale my love for you. I hope it’s a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me."

"I have an 8th grade education. Of course, I also have a bachelor’s degree."

"I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall)."

"Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual observer, I appear naked)."

"Writers fish for the right words like fishermen fish for, um, whatever those aquatic creatures with fins and gills are called."

"How’s my mom? My mother’s well, like a painting—a Motherwell."