Jarod Kintz, This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."

"Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, “If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is?” Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual observer, I appear naked)."

"I love like a leaf in the wind. Please, hold your applause until the end of the performance (the last day of fall)."

"I’d rather fake my own fog, than fake a steamy love scene. Can I interest you in some mist? It’s homemade."

"If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee."

"She says he says, but she could be lying to me, and he could be lying to her, so I can’t believe her, even if I could believe her."