Lewis Black, Me of Little Faith

"Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?"

"Just relax and breathe through your ass."

"Who knew that the devil had a factory where he made millions of fossils, which his minions distributed throughout the earth, in order to confuse my tiny brain?"

"That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone."

"Each of us is full of shit in our own special way. We are all shitty little snowflakes dancing in the universe."