"33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins."
"Kevin Love has a last name that sums up my feelings for you. But then again, so does Renaldo Letsfucktonight."
"Like Alexander the Great and Caesar, I’m out to conquer the world. But first I have to stop at Walmart and pick up some supplies."
"There’s truth and honor in a mustache. And that’s why I started flying one on the flagpole outside of my house."
"Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bush."
"This book comes with its very own logo (logo sold separately)."