"A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat."
"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."
"I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it."
"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."