"A follow-up letter is best when not written on the back of a suicide note. Remember this next time you’re at a networking event, unless your new connection is a mortician."
"This Valentine’s Day rent a poem for your loved. They come in three sizes—small, medium, and romantic. Free refills available to Premium Members."
"You gotta run more than your mouth to escape the treadmill of mediocrity. A true hustler jogs during the day, and sleepwalks at night."
"When I die, remember to remove my body from the cooler before you start making the hunch punch. But by all means, do get drunk on my memory."
"2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom."
"I spend all my time trying to capture the moment. And when I do, I'll interrogate and torture it."