"A follow-up letter is best when not written on the back of a suicide note. Remember this next time you’re at a networking event, unless your new connection is a mortician."
"The word very will vary in muchiness. I love you very much, and that won’t vary from day to day."
"She was a tall drink of water from Tallahassee, and I was an instant-coffee kind of lover. I got her so hot that neither one of could go to sleep until the ambulance finally came to a complete stop."
"I need to take loving to the extreme, as if it were a sport requiring a helmet and parachute. I wonder if @redbull would sponsor me."
"I am Clap Man. It’s a reverse super power, because instead of me doing the heavy lifting, I just applaud and encourage and others do all the work."
"I wish I could travel west nonstop chasing sunsets. And as the time zones move backwards, I could live forever if I just kept moving."