"A follow-up letter is best when not written on the back of a suicide note. Remember this next time you’re at a networking event, unless your new connection is a mortician."
"I wear gloves, because I don’t want to tease people with my naked body. I’ve got to leave something to the imagination."
"Knocking on a door is so violent. Talk on the door. Try to get it to open up through communication, not violence."
"In the long run, even a marathon looks like a sprint. This is how I can love with such Roger Bannisteresque intensity."
"Don’t try to hog loneliness and keep it all to yourself. Share it with a special someone."
"I'm so popular in life that valets are already starting to park the cars lined up for my funeral, which is expected sometime late 2082. #OutBoastKanye"