"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."
"Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?"
"People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation."
"A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."
"Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers."
"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."