"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."
"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."
"Nothing else matters now that you love me.' - suicide note"
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."
"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."
"I don’t know the kind of person I’ll be tomorrow, but I’ll be able to look back on yesterday and ask “What was that guy’s problem?” The future is full of condescending jerks."