Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really b... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"People are always insinuating that I’m rude. They say things like “Shh,” and “Careful what you say,” and “I think that guy’s listening in on our conversation."

"Love your wife, your servant and your enemy equally, and file her credit card bills under the ‘enemy’ folder."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."

"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."

"When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion."