People who practice freedom of expression are terrorizing ou... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"A mother’s love: the sacred relationship of affording a nanny so as to be tolerated as a granny."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."

"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."

"I wanted to have premarital sex with a midget, but I was afraid the ringmaster would banish me for unlawful carnival knowledge."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, until it stops beating. Getting ripped out of the chest tends to have that effect."