"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."
"I used to think how lucky she was to have me, but now I realize that’s backwards. A spirit of gratitude yields patience, love, and forgiveness."
"I ordered a beer and then I ordered another beer, because why finish one when I can finish two? Having only one is great for love, but bad for beer."
"I kissed a mystery, and it tasted like a woman. Lips are always full of delicious secrets."
"If you need me I’ll be sitting over there, on the ground, next to the empty chair. The emptiness always reminds me of your love."
"The Federal Government pushing drugs and then punishing marijuana growers is like the pot calling the kettle green."