"Are you tired, irritable, or suffering from heartburn? Ask your doctor if my love is right for you. 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 9 out of 10 is 90%."
"I don’t want my love with her to wither like grapes on a vine, so I’ll water it with romance to turn it into wine."
"My heart only grows more powerful the more my flowing love goes unabsorbed, unobserved, and unappreciated."
"I wish the military were the militerary. Less fighting and more reading."
"I once tried to light a joint with a fire ant, but what did I know? I was high on glue and in the third grade, just like grandpa."
"Everything I’ve learned about handshakes is from hands-on experience. Due to hygiene, I only network with rubber glove manufacturers."