"In middle school, I got picked on a lot. But boy, it sure felt good to get picked, because who doesn’t like to get chosen and called out as special?"
"As a fiction writer, let me make it up, and let me make it up to you. I’ll pen our love story, if you’ll be my co-author."
"I am the coffee, and God is The Barista. Through me, he may awaken your soul. But the coffee knows not what flows through the mind of The Barista."
"What does it mean to be the best? It means you have to be better than the number two guy. But what gratification is there in that? He's a loser—that’s why he's number two."
"My heartbeat is a pulse, and it pumps out sonic vibrations that resonate with her mind as she lays her head on my chest. Listen silently and you can hear the frequency of love."
"I used to sell hellos by the wave until I found out Dark Jar Tin Zoo was reselling them on eBay as goodbyes. Now I’m a yawn distributor."