"I wear a glove to honor all the men who have given me a hand. And to think, out of all those men, they only had one hand. No wonder I never get any high-fives."
"Science doesn’t listen. Science has mice growing out of its ears. Wait, I mean human ears growing out of its mice."
"My sole possession is my passion, for no one can rob me of it. More fiery than love, it does not depend on another to blaze."
"The words “I love you” swim and swarm as they swirl and form fluidly, and if you are thirsty then how I feel about you is an extra large—with free refills."
"She said she loved me, and I believed her, because she was looking directly at another man when she said it."
"He’s as tall as a tree, but he fights like a rose bush. What’s with all the scratching? I should cut him down in the name of romance."