Between hello and goodbye is I love you. - Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense

"The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content."

"I heard a song I hate and I thought of her. Ah, such is love."

"My soul left my body, and my body left my clothes and went streaking through the streets."

"I want to meddle with an Olympic medal made of silver metal. I want to alchemize it into gold, and use a mixture of science and mysticism to transform losing into winning."

"I want to open up a School of Cannibalism. It’ll be a feeder school for top law schools."