#Dinner

"Two become one when two are in love—or when the waitress asks about our dinner bill. I’ll pay next time, I promise."

"To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does have an overactive sex drive."

"A turtle is like a lizard in a bicycle helmet, and I think that’s romantic. That reminds me, I should write a love song called, “Dinner for two—plus one."

"There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last."

"Meatloaf is graphable in how far ahead it is in likeability categories. You can also play Mop the Floor with it. I make love like I make dinner that makes cleaning the kitchen more fun for the whole family."

"She asked if I loved another woman, so I answered honestly and said, “Dinner was great, but I could go for dessert."

"We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs."

"There are times when wisdom cannot be found in the chambers of parliament or the halls of academia but at the unpretentious setting of the kitchen table."

"I’m late to dinner, but I’m early to being in love. I’m such a gentleman that I hold every door open—even if the guy sitting in the bathroom stall is protesting."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."

"I'm all for all for one, especially when I'm the one. That's my philosophy when the dinner bill arrives at the table."

"Dinner was a riot, but the food was bland, so I doused it with pepper spray. The chef wanted to protest, but he didn’t, because I had the pepper spray."

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."

"I met Elton John at an Interview dinner, and we just sort of became friends. He's got such a wicked sense of humor."

"I had a dream about you. Dinner for two turned into dinner for three when you told me you were pregnant. I was excited, but a little nervous, because we were at a fancy restaurant and I only had enough money in my wallet to pay for two. So being the gentleman I am, I suggested that we skip out on the bill after we were finished eating."

"Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime."

"A circular table that spins around is a great way to make a romantic dinner for two with three people less awkward. I’ll pay for myself, I promise."