"Everything I’ve ever done, ever thought, ever experienced, and ever felt, has led me up to this moment in my life. And after accumulating and culminating it, all I can say is, “Ahhhhh!"
"I don’t think that taking off my eye patch would increase my night vision by 100%, but it would go a long way towards relieving my wedgie."
"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."
"If I ever go to China, I’m going to find a piano and play “Chopsticks”--only not with my fingers, but rather I’ll be using two forks."
"I’d love to create a personal profile on a dating site with a headline that reads, “Great Listener Seeks Mute Woman."
"Whether you live to be 50 or 100 makes no difference, if you made no difference in the world."