More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."