"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"On your birthday you should throw me a party. This is my advice for everybody, especially my clones."
"His name is Randy Randy. Or maybe it’s Randy Randy. I always get his first and last names mixed up."
"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."
"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I want to hire someone to stand outside my door and knock three times, with each knock being three years apart. At the end of the nine years I’ll reply, “Who is it?” And without delay or reply, the person on the other side of the door is to find a new job."