More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"The fastest way to lose weight is to find religion and start fasting."
"There’s nothing funny about war. Well, aside from this joke Orafoura told me: What did WWI say to WWII? I wish I could tell you the punch line, but the restaurant was so noisy that I didn’t hear it. But I laughed anyway, because I’ll bet it was pretty funny."
"I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. No, I’ve been feeling like my clone."
"I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears."