More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."
"If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot."
"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."
"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."