"He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved."
"I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle."
"Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic."
"I believe in true love. But my opinion is tainted, because I also believe in Bigfoot, aliens, and in the existence of honest politicians."
"Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights."
"The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t you dare add any ice to the hot liquid loving I’m trying to pour all over you."