More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"She said love her or be tortured by her. I replied, "Torture would be less painful."She didn't realize that I'm a true romantic."
"30% of the time I am successful 70% of the time. That’s 100% in my book—a book that happens to have a page count that’s 21% Reduced Fat."
"A little part of me dies every time I try to commit suicide. If life is a buffet, I’m still in the mac and cheese phase. Maybe one day I’ll mature into more of a meatloaf kind of guy."
"I’ll mark up my services 200%, and then offer them to you at a 50% discount—because I like you so much. That’s the Mother-in-law Discount."
"A raisin on the ground is full of hope that if it just keeps aging, it will turn into wine and get drunk on its wrinkly self."