More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"The middle finger is a great body language tool for letting people know you’re upset. Poetry isn’t quite as effective in a fit of road rage."
"We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs."
"I love the sound of the trees in the breeze. If the forest is so clearly musical, why can’t it play the guitar while I sing Nirvana covers?"
"Behold, the number five is at hand. Grab it and shake and harness the power of networking."
"My shadow follows me during the day, and then surrounds me at night as it clones itself into complete darkness. Now that’s self-love."