Her dad died unexpectedly, so I hid the flowers, because flo... - Jarod Kintz, A Story That Talks about Talking Is Like Chatter to Chattering Teeth, and Every Set of Dentures Can Attest to the Fact That No..

"I am the Guillotine of Love, and I will never lose my head over another woman again."

"If my name were C. Ross, I’d definitely be religious."

"I hate when women give me that look. That overlook."

"I define myself and grow as a person through emotional torment, so if you love me, you will inflict as much pain on me as you possibly can."

"I told my doctor my penis was as thin as a spaghetti noodle. I asked if there was anything I could do to bulk it up, and he said, “Yeah, tell your girl to twirl it on a fork before she puts it in her mouth."