"Her love stays with me wherever I go. That’s because I have it on a leash, like a dog, and I take it for walks like I do with my pet wheelchair."
"My writing has appeared in the New Yorker and The Atlantic Monthly, though whenever the newsstand guy catches me scribbling my poetry in them, he always comes along later and erases it."
"I just bought a bag of poetry, but it was mostly air. The author must have learned from the potato chip industry."
"Nobody sleeps at the Inn of Innovation. You don't wake up, but you do #startup."
"I mined my clone’s thoughts. I hope he doesn’t mind."
"I love you the way ice melts in vodka—slowly, seamlessly, and invisibly. It’s a feel-good feeling whether you see it or not."