"My hobbies include rubbing my nipples across a cheese grater, meeting cat ladies on Tinder, and voting for either Democrat or Republican every four years. You could say I am a torture enthusiast."
"Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by."
"I wrote you a love letter. I used invisible ink to show I was being transparent with my feelings. And also to hide my feelings."
"He rose like heroes, and I rose like rows of red roses. Love grows wherever you plant it, so I try to farm it wherever I go."
"Midnight is Hellen-Kelleresque, so if you ask me if I’m seeing anybody, I’ll ask you what time it is. Answers are always between 12:01 AM to 11:59 PM."
"When you find yourself in hot water, what else can you do but make a spot of tea? I still have a spot of tea on my shirt from yesterday."