"Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price."
"A string of burglaries is a crime necklace. Everything I have can be stolen except love, because I give it all away."
"I water fake plants, because I’m growing a garden of fake mustaches. Lest no man (or woman) question my ability as a lover."
"Escalators are the offspring of elevators and stairs. Love is the progeny of passion and admiration."
"I love you because I love you, and if you don’t like it you can use my circular logic as a noose and hang yourself."
"A coffin would make a great suitcase. If I folded it neatly, I’ll bet I could pack in all my love for you."