More quotes by George Carlin

"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
"The planet is fine. The people are fucked."
"How is it possible to have a civil war?"
"You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with."
"Meow” means “woof” in cat."