I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"Bike lane: the section of the road that accommodates wide loads and has speed bumps to protect drunk drivers."

"When you loathe yourself, a true friend will respect your honesty. And if you’ve been fortunate in life, he will probably share your opinion."

"A man wrapped up in himself always suffocates. But his loved ones will forever hold in their hearts the memory of that Christmas."

"If I weren’t too proud, I’d boast of my exaggerated opinion of myself."

"The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners."