I admire Shakespeare enormously. But since I can’t be him, I... - Bauvard, Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

"If you're a nobody, just imagine a lot of celebrities are in love with you. Narcissism is the best cure for attention deficit disorder."

"Unrequited love is the only possible way to give yourself to another without being held in indentured servitude."

"Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates."

"Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion."

"I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy."