"I can't throw away cologne because that is Nostalgia in a Bottle, the scent of yesterday, and it reminds me of her more clearly than her picture."
"I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them."
"My love for you grows daily, and all it takes is exposure to your sunny disposition, coupled with watering it with coffee."
"I got arrested for driving naked. I guess I shouldn’t have put four wheels, an engine, and a steering wheel on my bathtub. I’m a do-it-yourself kind of lover."
"I mined my mind, and I found no love. My heart is where excavation yields gold, and if you dig me as much as I dig you, we can both get rich."
"Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap."