"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."