"I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"When I was a little boy, I used to work in a sweatshop. We made deodorant."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"The mouth is made for communication, and nothing is more articulate than a kiss."
"If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people."