This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke u... - Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"This morning my girlfriend was so loud in bed that we woke up the neighbors. So I told them to roll over and go back to sleep."
"Just to show my dad that I think he's number one, I bought him a urinal cake for his birthday."
"My advice for a person who's just fallen out of a skyscraper window is, Flap your arms...faster."
"I wouldn't say I'm superficial, just averagely ficial."
"I always appear smarter when I dress up in my giant nipple costume. I know this because I'll overhear people say things like, 'At least he's not a complete boob."
"My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun."