I drive as fast as four tire swings hanging from a tree bran... - Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"If you want to steal my heart, you must realize it's not a one-time heist. This theft will take every minute of the rest of your life."

"I would argue that unless the two people are in love, all sex is bad sex, because why eat cotton candy when you can have edible clouds? Sure, it seems sweet at the time, but that’s just a carnival and carnal rush and wears off quickly. But love adds an extra dimension that takes an earthy thing like sex and makes it absolutely heavenly."

"I feel like dancing. If I bring an extra wheelchair for you, would you like to join me?"

"I’ll bet opening a store called Boobs and Books would increase literacy. I prefer a hands-on approach to learning."

"I count as blessings things I could have benefited from, even if I neglected to utilize them. A gift is still a gift, even if left wrapped and unopened."