More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"
"If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"If religion is a crutch, then society is the broken foot."
"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."