More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food."
"I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything."
"I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails."
"On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."