Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lo... - Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!"

"I want to own a wind farm. Don’t breathe, or you’ll undermine the price of my crop."

"The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her."

"You’re used to being the smartest guy in the room. Solitary confinement will do that."

"I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser."