More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"I’m a powerful being. I caused the night to turn into day. And I didn’t even try! I simply waited. I’ll bet I could even do it in my sleep."
"When anybody honks at me in traffic, I blush, wave, and shout, “Thanks for being a fan.” Being a celebrity is a 24/7 thing."
"Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers."
"She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."