More quotes by Jarod Kintz, $3.33

"If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it."
"I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time."
"I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best."
"You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours."
"I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead."