I fell in love with her the moment she was late, though neit... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"Coaching 101: First you build the team, and then you build the torture chamber for underperformers."

"One thought I think every person eventually thinks is, “Holy shit, I’m going to die!” Sorry, I just turned thirty yesterday, so my mortality is on my mind."

"There’s truth in only having a bicycle seat. I used to skip class and just hold it out in the hallway. When teachers would ask me what I was doing, I’d hold it up and say, “Sorry I’m late."

"Does Ziploc make body bags? I’ll bet the corpses would stay fresher for longer if they did."

"I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up."