The police seemed to think I killed her, which is crazy, bec... - Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

"If you want to bend your mind, don’t use a crowbar."

"Pluto will always be a planet in my book. That’s because my book was published before Pluto was blacklisted by planetary scientists."

"I go to sleep in my business suit, because it makes my dreams of success seem more real."

"She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream."

"Early on I set out to write the next Great American Novel, and then later on I set out the silverware and enjoyed my dinner in silence."