I have a beard of fog that I wear on misty mornings. It’s no... - Jarod Kintz, At even one penny, this book would be overpriced. In fact, free is too expensive, because you'd still waste time by reading it.

"One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides."

"When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened."

"Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic."

"You just tell me when and where, and not only will I not be there, but I’ll also be late."

"I’m not going to lecture you on the error of your ways. Not until you fetch me a podium and a microphone. I’ll also need a screen, a projector, and a laser pointer."