More quotes by Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

"The darkness has ink eyes, and if you stare long enough, you’re going to see it blink black. That’s the moment to start writing."
"Blood may be thicker than water, but it's certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries."
"A can’t in a can—it’s carbonated failure that’s ready to drink. It tastes like the back half of love."
"People tell me I look like my father. I've never seen my dad, so does that mean I look invisible?"
"The love of my life has made me the happiest man ever. This ever-smiling man/mannequin is so happy because he’s got no brain, and in this way is identical to anyone who still rah-rahs for either a Republican or a Democrat."